Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
