anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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