Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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