I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
