if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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