Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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