Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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