Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
