It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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