I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
