I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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