it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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