I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize