I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.