Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
