Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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