Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
