at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.