Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons