I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.