Texts From Last Night

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  (855): View more from

  somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs

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  (855): somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs http://tfl.nu/4p1d
  Replies (6) Good night (1386) Bad night (463)
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  (408): View more from California

  she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again

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  (408): she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again http://tfl.nu/k557
  Replies (41) Good night (538) Bad night (5722)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Small penises have feelings too.

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  (573): Small penises have feelings too. http://tfl.nu/ikhv
  Replies (68) Good night (777) Bad night (3734)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.

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  (860): You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people. http://tfl.nu/iay5
  Replies (17) Good night (1101) Bad night (4352)
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  (845): View more from New York

  he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.

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  (845): he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/a138
  Replies (60) Good night (2203) Bad night (7540)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"

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  (312): I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day" http://tfl.nu/qds9
  Replies (5) Good night (1398) Bad night (1300)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.

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  (262): Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy. http://tfl.nu/dejh
  Replies (7) Good night (1700) Bad night (823)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.

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  (306): I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/odbf
  Replies (4) Good night (1115) Bad night (461)
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  (310): View more from California

  Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship

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  (310): Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship http://tfl.nu/9h2k
  Replies (5) Good night (1529) Bad night (465)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?

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  (631): Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"? http://tfl.nu/xfwq
  Replies (6) Good night (1221) Bad night (483)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'

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  (256): It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!' http://tfl.nu/6btj
  Replies (6) Good night (1262) Bad night (269)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"

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  (828): At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing" http://tfl.nu/dl2i
  Replies (9) Good night (1059) Bad night (214)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i hope they name him Joffrey

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  (305): why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much? (908): i hope they name him Joffrey http://tfl.nu/u3f8
  Replies (8) Good night (1119) Bad night (210)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.

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  (410): no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo. http://tfl.nu/740l
  Replies (6) Good night (600) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Aloha alcoholism.

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  (520): I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game (520): Aloha alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/4jmi
  Replies (0) Good night (495) Bad night (150)

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