We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"