There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
