I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
