There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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