i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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