omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize