I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
