Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
