you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
