So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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