Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
