1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
