Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We are all done wearing pants today
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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