Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
