Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
