I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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