sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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