feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
