How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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