she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
