my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
