I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
