Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
