I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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