glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
