I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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