I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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