FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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