I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
