After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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