but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
