saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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