so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
