I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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