i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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