What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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