there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
