So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
