should my penis look like a turkey
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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