Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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