okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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