I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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