I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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