Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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