We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
