eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
