Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
