I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
